Z1650/2

Eulogy to Mr Hugh Elyston Bygraves (15 February 1925 - 13 March 2013)

2013

From: 2013 To: 2013

Submitted by Mr Bygraves' daughter.

On behalf of our family may I thank you all very much for joining us today in this celebration of the life of Hugh, or Max as some of you may know him. We would like to thank you too for the love, care and kindness you have enveloped us in over the last 3 months. Your hospital and home visits, phonecalls and texts have been like an enormous fleecy blanket giving us much needed warmth, comfort and security. You will all have unique memories of my dad and if we had the time to share all our stories we’d certainly create a huge kaleidoscopic picture of a very remarkable man. I am so lucky to have nearly 60 years of precious memories packed with love and laughter. I would like to share with you reflections on some facets of my father’s special personality. My Papikins was what I call a ‘green inventor’ ie he relished solving practical problems in ways that were both innovative and cost neutral. His garages and sheds have always been full of materials and resources that have already had one life and were waiting to be put to another purpose e.g. he amassed old doors from various sources and used some of these to make a floor for my loft; when I took up the saxophone he made me a metronome which he housed in an old biscuit tin. His ingenuity always impressed me and made me smile. Not only was dad a green inventor he also had green fingers. His garden was his piece of heaven, his sanctuary. Like his mother, he had the amazing ability to nurture flowers, shrubs and trees; he even grew beautiful palm trees from seeds Graham and I brought back from a holiday once. Hugh was always thinking of other people and for many years he grew indoor and outdoor plants for sale at the Sue Ryder fetes. Dad has supported big and small charities in different ways for many, many years. He very much enjoyed working with the Talking Newspaper. In the 1980s he organised dances at the Weatherley Centre which generated funds for diverse local causes. Even whilst engaged in much loved activities like gardening and music, Hugh always found ways of caring about and caring for others. Hugh was a visionary man who developed pictures of the future and strove relentlessly to achieve these goals. One of his life objectives was to build a home for his treasured family. I love the TV programme Grand Designs and whilst watching this a couple of years ago it dawned on me that our family home was dad’s “Grand Design” and I felt very proud. Together with mum, they planned, built and continually maintained the home that is Zwiebel Kotten. I have always been struck by dad’s strong sense of responsibility. I can recall times when, even in his late 70’s and stiff with arthritis, dad would be bending in all sorts of positions outside in the cold weather, fixing the oil tank, sorting out blocked drains or up a ladder clearing the gutters. Hugh always had the safety and comfort of others in mind. I have childhood memories of dad readily helping strangers who often broke down on the A1 outside of our house. He has been protective of me throughout my life e.g. when I had to travel from Peterborough to Leicester 2 evenings a week for 3 years dad was concerned about me breaking down in my old Capri and being isolated, so he bought me a car phone. I can recall it was a big piece of kit that only just squeezed into the glove box and it weighed as heavy as a sack of potatoes and it gave me reassurance and practical support. I’ve had my homes burgled twice and each time dad was over in a flash installing lights, cameras and additional locks. On the pews and lectern here you’ll see hearts. They represent Hugh’s heart which was always open to welcome family, and friends old and new, as well as being open to new experiences. I remember my Papikins as a man who had a thirst for learning and discovery. I was proud of his determination to learn to use IT and his resilience in solving IT problems he encountered. He certainly exploited the potential of the PC and produced touching greetings’ cards and shopped online for goods that would make our lives easier and improve our health and wellbeing. When I moved to London 12 years ago he bought a mobile phone and took up texting. We’d send each other texts 5 nights a week just before going to bed. We’d share our stories of the day and if I’d had a challenging day at work he’d always say something to boost my morale and feed my determination to forge ahead. Another important dimension to our texts is that we’d use a mix of English and German words, which was our way of acknowledging and valuing our family’s Anglo-German heritage. Hugh was a graceful and gracious gentleman. He was so appreciative of the little things of life, like having a cappuccino in a cafe, visiting a beautiful garden, having eager conversations on a wide range of topics. He thoroughly enjoyed activities which brought him closer to people he respected and loved. His immense graciousness resounded even during the last few weeks when despite being so poorly he would give gorgeous smiles to staff and visitors. Hugh was a man who gave spiritual energy and had a knack of making us feel good in his company. My Papikins brought big band music into my life first through playing records of the German band leader Max Greger, which inspired me to take up the tenor sax, and then through establishing and leading the Bedford branch of the Syd Lawrence Appreciation Society. We enjoyed so many swinging concerts over several years. The two of us would go to big band meetings in London and in my 20s we enjoyed going to listen to jazz bands, particularly the Alex Welsh band. Dad was always enthusiastic about the different bands and groups Graham and I play in, and with mum, have been to hundreds of gigs. However bad the weather with outdoor performances, they would be there in support. Dad’s love of music has become my passion and my identity, which is why he’ll always be immortal to me. Finally Hugh was a great teacher and an enabler of personal growth. I have learned so much from him through each decade of my life. When I was growing up he would offer options rather than tell me what to do. We had enormous fun in my 20s and 30s when he taught me how to repair the body work of my aged cars and we spray painted flowers and butterflies to make my cars special to me; he probably thought I was mad but he never passed judgement and always supported with technical expertise, patient tuition and laughter. The most enduring learning from my father is through him behaving as an exemplary role model. There are three pairs of action words which describe behaviours I call “Hugh’s teachings”: I believe he would guide us  To nurture and protect - both loved ones and strangers  To persevere and achieve - be clear of what you want, and be determined even though the road may be bumpy  To appreciate and rejoice – listen for and notice the good things in life, even in the midst of turmoil, and celebrate what you have, in particular the joy brought to you by your family, friends, acquaintances and even strangers.

Delivered at All Saints Caldecote on 27 March 2013. Submitted to Bedfordshire Archives on 2nd April 2017.

item

Lower Caldecote, BIGGLESWADE, recycling, gardening, MUSIC, German, telecommunications, computers, eulogy