W1/6550

Samuel Whitbread II, Paris, to Elizabeth Grey. Marked no 5.

22 May 1787

From: 1787 To: 1787

My dear Bessy Had it ever entered my Imagination that the prize I was to receive would not more than ten thousand times repay the comparatively trivial anxieties & vexations that I have undergone, & double the length of time than was at first fixed for my staying abroad; the enchanting letter I received from You about two hours ago, & which I have been reading ever since, would have obliterated every doubt, & rendered my mind what it now literally is, a scene of the most pure & uninterrupted satisfaction. Thank You for your letter collectively & thank You for every Sentence, Expression & Word in it individually. by no means omitting the three first, which I assure you conveyed the sincerest Joy to the Heart of Sam. Talk not of repaying me I beseech You, the debt is wholly on my side; or if You will not allow that, let us share it between Us. We have felt equally; & I solemnly protest, that I would suffer ten times as much on the same account, & for the same Person. Before I proceed any farther I must tell you that I have also by this Post received a letter from my Father but not decisive, as it is only in Answer to the one I wrote from Calais & which I am particulary happy to find has arrived safe, for I now am sure that the one I wrote to You will also reach Fallodon. He writes in the most affectionate & friendly style possible, & with regard to Us continues precisely in the same mind as when I left him. in short nothing can be better. Next Saturday will certainly bring me an Answer to the first I wrote from Paris, & in which I tried to persuade him, that it was an unreasonable whim to keep me abroad for five Months to ascertain an incontrovertible fact, viz. our mutual attachment. Whether he will think this trial necessary or not we shall now see. If he does, the receipt of your letter, so kind, so good, so everything I could desire, has made me so exceedingly contented & happy that I shall set out for my Journey without a sigh or a Murmur, always looking forward with delight & satisfaction to the period which we know is not far distant, & abundantly calculated to repay me for so slight a Pennance. Now that I am upon the Subject of Abroad; give me leave it is is possible to root out of your Mind an Idea, that I was in hopes you had exploded at my Suggestion before we parted, but which I find You still harbour; that my quitting England at the time, & upon the terms I did, was unnecessary, if not improper. Mark what I say, & draw your own conclusion. Had I remained in England, my Father's wish would have been to have me perpetually near him & had I quitted him he would have complained of my unkindness; whilst with him my thoughts would have been, where they now are, perpetually at Fallodon, the silence proceeding from such mental excursions would be constructed into sullenness arising from a dislike to his Company & absent or present I should furnished (sic), tho' very innocently ample materials for complaint & reproach. By coming abroad I have roused his affection, my company he knows is unattainable, he cannot see how I look nor can he expect to hear me talk; & my letters which I take care to send regularly, he I dare say feasts upon with delight. You will tell me in your next whether these reasons appear sufficiently strong to warrant the step I have taken or whether you still think it unnecessary & impolitic. Think not, I entreat you, because I have tried to persuade him that my stay aboad is unnecessarily long, that I feel the least regret at having embarked on this Journey; on the countrary, I am still persuaded it is the wisest measure I could have pursued. If I do come home sooner than I intended it will be only upon the Conditions that I should have come home upon at Michaelmas & I promise you that I shall not visit England before I can visit Fallodon & You, with his hearty consent and permission. this I am sure of at the time has fixed, but I have it much at heart to bring that time nearer. You implore my mercy & say I may be a critick - now that is impossible in the present instance; I must be a Panegirist & tell you that however on tiptoe my expectations were, your letter has outdone them; I scarecly know to say to tell you how much I like it, I believe I must tell you what Nesfield say I am famous for doing, the naked Truth, it is like yourself, & that is being like what I esteem, value & love the most in the World. Pray write me many such letters. never be afraid of trying my patience, it will I assure you exhaust your powers of writing to do it. Until this answer from my Father arrives all seems undetermined with regard to our route. We have fixed however to leave Paris the beginning of next Week, & indeed it will be high time for Nesfield leaves us Monday, & it will be necessary to change the Scene that we may not so much miss his company. When you receive this, write an immediate answer, but do not despatch it till you shall have had my letter by the next Post. that will inform you where to direct; You must of course answer that, & this Maneuvre well attended to will procure me two letter. - We dine with the Duke of Dorset tomorrow. Grande Table, & equally Grand Bore. Paris, as I told you before flags & is dull. I told you the reason, & I tell it you again, You are not here. Susan Lambton has a Lover more than I ever heard of in Mr. Whitebread. I am very sure that Sam Whitbread not only never loved but never liked her.- Indeed, Susan, you have a sprig of Laurel more than you deserve added to your chaplet.- but I suppose they confounded Punch & Me, & so making one Lover out of Two Men apply it promiscuously to either. One we are sure she never can have, & the other I hope to God she never will have. - My Sister's conduct you agree was extraordinary, I however will forgive her oddity for the sake of her Goodness; & for the future try to keep that so much before my Eyes, as to keep hinder me from being the Aggressor in any misunderstandings we may have. & as I dare say I usually have been the Aggressor all misunderstandings will of course cease. I am indeed vain that you give me credit at last for perseverance. I flatter myself that facts have now convinced you, what assertions for a long time failed to do; Resolution indeed I have more than my share of but Perseverance was a Quality much called in Question. You have now altered your opinion & I hope all other assertions I make if they want assistance will gain it by the fulfilling of this. I assure you & that from my Soul, that my perseverance even unsuccessful in this affair would have known no period, but what you had fixed. Let us rejoice then that it has been attended with such good Fortune. & that at the time I am so happy myself, all my Family sympathize with me.- I must recur to your letter it has so delighted me. If in any former letters I have croaked, or been the least low spirited, for perhaps I may; remember, this little charm, has cancelled all & put me at perfect Ease. & I wholly disavow & annull anything melancholy that I may have said. I am happy your Journey to Fallodon was so good, & that you arrived the day you expected. We arrived at Paris precisely the same day; but were more fortunate than you in our Weather, which was & has continued the finest possible. My Servant le Duc, is I find acquainted with Lady Pennyman's Abigail, & was entrusted by a Female friend in London, with some linnen to make a great coat & which he like a Blockhead had taken from him at Calais. - Your letter was perfectly well directed tho' you are very stupid. now that is a fair bait. Well you shall catch; you are quite clever eno' for me. So Good Night & tomorrow I will tell you a little more. May 23 I have been thinking of you and your letter ever since I quitted you last night, & also have reflected upon some passages that were in those I wrote to you; in the first train of Ideas nothing but the utmost satisfaction occurred, but in the latter I perceive very sufficient grounds for severly reprimanding myself. Particulary in my letter from Calais I expressed I now remember, a very strong sensation of Sorrow at leaving England - Altho' it literally meant no more than that pang which necessarily be attendant upon the parting with you; I now begin to apprehend that your ----- but may I say, upon this head over anxious Imangination altho' nothing can possibly be more flattering than this anxiety to me, will construe my sorrow into repentance, & make you Imagine that I regret having left home; or that I am irresolute or that I am unmanly. I resume therefore my pen with the utmost eagerness to assure you again & again that upon my honour I do not in the smallest degree repent my coming abroad & that even had it been told me at first that an Absense of two years was necessary, I should have jumped at the proposal, & exulted in the Idea that so much was to be gained at so little expence. Believe then that whatever expressions of uneasiness may have, or hereafter shall escape me, are to be attributed to those moments of Melancholy which one cannot entirely command; Which arise in my Mind from the sorrow occasioned by your Absence, never by repentance; & which since the receipt of your letter have not dared to intrude themselves upon me, nor will I am pretty confident any more. If you have been uneasy at any thing I have said before, let this letter obliterate entirely that Uneasiness; I implore your pardon & am sure not in vain. You claim no merit in any thing that I may be more ready to allow it You in every thing. You need not use that finesse, for I assure you you cannot rank higher with me than you do. I will thank you in spite of yourself, it is my privilege so to do; for giving me so decided an opinion in favour of the Brewhouse. I know it is unobjectionable, but surely some praise is due to good Sense & Discernment. I will thank you also from my Heart, from my whole Heart for saying that my liking it alone, would have been a sufficient claim to your approbation. that Sentence is worth three such months as I passed in London & fifty such Journeys as I am now taking. My letter extends itself, but I know you will give it a reading so will not leave off abruptly. I go by two names in our small society, Sam, & Sad, & am examined minutely every Morning to know which I deserve; since the arrival of the Post yesterday for what reason is not known, but Sad is allowed to have lost all chance. What nonsense I am talking to you. but you will excuse it. If I continue my Journey, as Nesfield leaves us on Monday. I shall convey by him to Tom, & thro' him in a letter to you, a very paltry pair of Parisian fillagree Earrings. I only do it from a foolish wish that altho' I cannot dance with you myself at Newcastle, something from me may.-- I have received no letter from Charles but however I had no right to expect that he should write to me first, when I have so little & he so much to do. I shall write to him this Evening. How happy I am in such a Friend, not only for the intrinsic value of his own Friendship but from his having been the means of making me acquainted with you & your Worth. - I think it is high time for me to give you a respite & conclude my long winded Epistle. - I have got my Port de feuille made up, & have put into it the Charms you gave me, which have made me pass for brilliant in many Societies & which have never quitted since I quitted Fallodon. I hope you are at work upon my purse. Do be tenacious of the title I have given you of First Friend; you are so, & deservedly too. I shall derive honour & Pleasure for having placed it in so good hands & thank you for your ready acceptance of it. I claim the same distinction from you & am sure you will allow it me. - I hope you are all well at Fallodon - pray remember me kindly to them all. I did not before know that Eliza was your name. I thought it had been Elizabeth, but whether derived from Eliza or Elizabeth, Your are still my dearest Bessy, & you may depend upon me that I am & shall ever remain Most sincerely & affectionately Your's & only Your's S. Whitbread

item

Whitbread, Samuel II,
Grey, Elizabeth,
Whitbread, Samuel I,
Lambton, Susan,
Nesfield, William,
Pennyman,
Grey, Charles

Paris, Fallodon, JEWELLERY, travel